I admit it. I’m a Facebook junkie. But I very rarely look at my newsfeed. I’ve tagged pretty much all the people whose lives I actually kind of care about, so I just check my notifications. And every time I click “Home”, I’m reminded why I don’t do it that often.

Yesterday, a chick with whom I went to high school put as her Facebook status a jumbled rant about her son’s father. She wrote that her ex sent a text stating that she better never need a favor from him. She doesn’t understand why “some ppl” feel like it’s all about them, that it’s not, it’s all about the kids, and the kids are the ones to pay for it (I’m paraphrasing, but all words therein are hers. I’m afraid I just don’t write as well as she.) Throughout 20+ more comments, her friends backed her up and cheered her on, while mom aired dad’s failings as a father.

I couldn’t help it. I commented on her status: “If it’s really all about the kids, then you probably shouldn’t talk shit about their father on Facebook. That’s just bad form, Mom.”

And I awoke this morning to the following message:

go fuck yourself cheryl… You have no idea what I’m even talking about.. If you don’t like what someone has to say on fb you should delete them like I will be doing to you… Don’t speak to ppl when you don’t have a fucking clue what they are talking about.. so fuck off kindly.. Peace

You are absolutely right. I don’t know the entire story (although I imagine that if I did, I would think more poorly of you both). I know only what you wrote: that your son’s dad doesn’t want to pay child support and has been an absentee father. Those are, of course, both legitimate – but private – concerns.

That information alone is already, in my opinion, too much to share with the internet, because it gets to more than just your close friends. It gets to people like me, with whom you don’t even care to be friends, as you stated on your profile just this morning. That’s cool. No skin off my back. I barely know you.

But that’s just it. I barely know you. And the fact that we are even having this conversation proves the point I’m trying to make. When you put information like that out there, it’s fair game to anyone. Like me.

You are absolutely right in saying that this is none of my business, and I agree with you wholeheartedly. I should not have access to information about the personal difficulties between you and the man with whom you bred. But YOU gave me that access. I didn’t ask for, search for, gossip about, or talk to any of your friends about it. It just showed up in front of me on my laptop when I hit “Home”. I’d like you to consider the ultimate implications of that choice, and maybe this will help.

Look, I was just making a suggestion, as one mom to another, who has an ex to deal with. No matter what your concerns with him are, you keep those to yourself and your close circle of friends. You don’t give it a voice so that people you don’t give a shit about and probably shouldn’t trust, like me, have access to it.

I’m a simple girl. I try to use logic in my personal relationships, and then just do what works. I’ll badmouth a stranger publicly any day. But I would never say anything negative about my daughter’s father on Facebook, nor in any other public forum. The person I care about most cares deeply about her father, so he will always get a pass with me. He is untouchable. Period.

Ana has thanked me many times for the decision her dad and I made to never speak badly about one another, no matter how shitty our co-parenting relationship got over the years. She has witnessed bickering, fighting, and badmouthing between and about the divorced parents of her friends. It’s incredibly stressful for their kids, and is just an unfair disadvantage to them in learning about the world of adult relationships.

My daughter will be 18 in September, so I feel I’ve got some perspective on this. I don’t know how old your son is, and that’s none of my business either. But no matter his age, NOW is the time for you to start being an adult about your relationship with his father. I don’t care what his dad says, does, or doesn’t do. You don’t get to control his words and actions. But you MUST control yours. Deal with your issues in court, and only in court. But never do this in the court of public opinion. Your friends will almost always tell you what you want to hear, even if it’s the wrong message.

I’m not your friend.

All parents, especially those who are divorced or separated, have issues with one another. There is a time and place to discuss those issues, and I truly believe that Facebook is never one of them.

But you do what you think is right. Because it’s none of my business.