I was thinking about the show “Sex and the City”, and the ways that show changed the female narrative. It was very positive and empowering in a lot of ways. It gave us permission to be sexually bold and selfish. It violated the social contract – the long-held belief that women aren’t allowed to ever view or have sex as just recreation, or have sex partners that we use as strictly recreational equipment, without all the feelings.
It became hugely successful because – guess what – many of us actually do sometimes have sex as just recreation, just because it is a lot of fun, and we do view some of our sex partners as strictly recreational equipment, without all the feelings. Some sex is best as just sport, when you want to play a game or two with a pro, but you don’t want to join the league. You’re not expected to take your tennis partner at the athletic club home every night, or invite him to Thanksgiving at Nana’s. But playing a match together every Monday and Thursday is a lot of fun, improves your skill level, and is great exercise.
But the show also gave us this: “I am a free-spirited goddess and need only my girl pals for strength. I have very high standards, which I deserve, and that one semi-unpleasant thing you do makes you defective and unworthy – even though I, myself, am highly flawed and often selfish, superficial, and slightly neurotic. When I have brunch with my girls, we will mock you relentlessly. After leading you on and laughing at you behind your back for awhile, I will throw you away. This makes me radical and revolutionary! But when you do the same to me or one of my girls – even if I was a horrible person with zero redeeming relational qualities, even though I was a awful to you and showed no willingness to try to improve our relationship – it’s because you’re a total dick. The fault will always be yours. And, if any one of us ever happens upon you, at any time in the future, we will be vicious, rude, and vulgar to you. Or I will beg you to take me back, because I miss having an emotional punching bag.” And that, too, appealed to a lot of women.
Shitty self-indulgent girlfriends expect Prince Charming, and then bitch because they can’t find a “good man” who is “worthy” of them.
The truth to be found in this show is what NOT to do. Four women with horrible resumes date guys with horrible resumes, and then wonder why their lives and relationships suck and make them cry.
